A Promise Kept

Honoring His Wishes, Embracing Our Love

It was a lovely sunny winter day in San Francisco as we sat in our sunroom hanging out with one of John’s closest friends. He knew John had Alzheimer's. John began a conversation with his friend asking him what methods he could use to commit suicide. They discussed everything from hanging to poisoning oneself to jumping off the Golden Gate Bridge to shooting oneself. When none of these ideas were deemed reliable or doable, John gave up the conversation.

I was left wondering how I had entered the world of absurdity. I was also left with the understanding  that I needed to help my husband die.

It was clear that John, who was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s in January 2020, did not wish to live in this world while his brain diminished his being to a vegetative state. He always believed that one's brain is one's person and if your brain was dysfunctional, you were not living life. I felt it was my responsibility and privilege to help him.

Now I had become the person who promised to orchestrate the death of her loving husband. How does one do that? My memoir paints the picture of my inner conflict, John’s acceptance of his fate, and our magical marriage. It is a story of courage and love.